The Dumb and the Dumber or Fish Stories

11.05.2016

Live poker is a catalyst for incredibly absurd and comic situations. That’s the charm of it. Human factor has the biggest influence at the table. That’s why online would never replace going to the poker club.

Playing for decades, regulars save tens of stories: of incredible stupidity, amazing bravery, wit and professionalism. Any story collection has funny stories part about the beginners. Usually, these are kind stories which occur at the poker tables all around the world, never mind the city or a country.

That is who this post is about.

Story 1

“Played yesterday. A man sits down with the hat with sculls pictured, sunglasses and so on. He says to the dealer that he is going to wait for the blind, demonstratively studies the table. Then he puts on his iPod headphones – acting like a real poker TV show star.

He has A-A. He bets $10, gets 5 calls. There is $65 in the pot. Flop: Ks-3s-9. Aces bet $15, gets 2 calls. Pot is $110. Turn is an off suit 2. Aces bets $20, gets two calls. There is $150 in the pot.

River – 9s. Aces bets $100 (!), one of the players pushes, A-A calls and loses to flush.

Then he begins:

“Do you realize you have just two outs and you ought to have 9 to 1 to call here?! Read some strategy books… Stop winning on luck.”

Story 2

“A lady open-limps with QQ and 1010 in Limit Hold’em at $8/16. She rationalizes with: “Someone could have a better pair”. She doesn’t bet on any street on the safe board and explains it with: “Someone could have set or two pairs”. Should it worth mentioning I won a lot at that table…”

Story 3

“Played at Binion's in the morning. NL Hold’em in tournament for 60 people. There are two guys at my table arguing what’s better – flush or straight. It was a tough fight. I made an effort (trying not to laugh) and start to suspect that those guys are just heating up the table to start teamplay. But then one of them asks dealer about this… He starts to argue with dealer about it telling that he plays some three-card poker for over a year and there straight beats flush.”

Story 4

“I play 5/10 Limit Hold’em. Open with A-J, bb calls. Flop: J-5-5, he check-calls. Turn – 2, he check-raises. He is all shaking while he bets and breaths heavily. I call. I see J on the river with J552J board, he bets. His hands shaking like he has Parkinson disease. I call supposing he has at least a jack.

He: “I hope you don’t have pocket jacks!” – and shows quads of fives to me. Well, of course, I flat called one bet with quads. I got why I lose at this table.”

Story 5

“5/10 Limit Hold’em. Old woman who plays very neat poker tells everyone that J or 7 in starting hand is immensely profitable as it was proven this cards hit the flop more often than the others.”

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Story 6

“A guy open-limos from the cutoff with A-K on board A K 2 8 9. He checks on the flop, turn and bets half the pot on the river, he shows A-K on the showdown. He is asked why he didn’t raise preflop and he: “What’s the point – people call with any two anyway”.

I had to take a little break to not to offend anyone with my reaction.

Story 7

“There was a man with $2,000 at 1/3 NL (maximum buy-in is $300). He knew a thing or two about poker and I respected his bets at first. Then this hand happened. Since this moment I’ll call him Professor.

Professor limps from UTG, UTG+1 raises $12, gets six calls, including the one from Professor. Board has a lot of draws, something like Ks-10-2s.

Professor checks, UTG+1 bets $15. Everyone to Professor folds, he starts to lecture everyone that the bet must be bigger as he now has good pot odds to make a call.

The turn is blank. He says: “Bet somewhere around the half of the pot for me to not to call”. Ans checks. UTG+1 bets $35. Professor: “Great! I need to think now. You see, it’s hard for me to call now!” Everyone folds.

UTG+1 shows К-К, so Professor goes: “Wow, that’s a monster! You shouldn’t have bet this much. You should have trapped me with small bets!”

Lecture went on during whole his play at the table.”

Story 8

$1/2, Orleans, Las Vegas. There are six players in limp pot. Small blind folds, big blind pushes for $79. Everyone folds except for button, he quickly says “call” and shows… 9-5 off suit.

The player on the blind is lost, he shows J-J and wins the pot.

I’m sitting next to the button and ask: “Hm… Do you mind me asking? Why did you call all-in with 9-5?” He is staring at me like I’m the fishiest fish on Earth and says: “I’m in position, you know”.

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